I chose hiccup as the name of this post because apparently it reoccurs. I would know, when I was in the 6th grade I was once made to do a skit on a radio show of a kid who was going to set a record for having hiccups the longest, but only fell short of a second because of a bull that got loose and scared him stiff. Well when your scared stiff and have the hiccups, it tends to disappear (I'm actually quite glad I don't remember more). It wasn't fun, having to pretend doing the hiccups repetitively and having to hear this kid make bull sounds, but I got mini-celebrity status for being heard on the radio. Right so back to why I chose hiccup for this post. Hiccups are unpleasant and they don't stop. Which I thought made for an interesting metaphor. So if I haven't gotten to the point, my life has been a series of hiccups.
I had a plan. It was fairly simple and it sorta involved charting out the course of my life for the next two years. Something that I was really looking forward to. So I did my homework and gave myself a reasonable enough time frame. I had to do an exam, that for the last 4 years has been the bane of my existence and I once again stand defeated. I worked this time, I thought I made progress, but come exam day it was as though my picture perfect world for the next two years was turned inside out. Well actually, it kinda disappeared into a whiff of smoke. The dramatic apparition of that seems more in line with what I felt/feel.
I honestly can't quite comprehend it. I went into it with this whole feeling that my whole life rested on it and I don't know what to think, feel or believe anymore. We're obviously put in a world where we're all pitted against each other. Parents are always curious to know what other parents children are doing and well this honestly does not help my cause. It isn't the end of the world. I know that, I wake up every morning hoping it is. I can see the sea from my roof and I often wish a Tsunami the size of my view would come say hello. Actually I take that back, I think I'd prefer asteroid contact. Instant incineration to wallowed drowning seems more ratifying, who am I kidding, it seems less painful.
Now I'm told that there are a couple of ways to look at a situation like this. You assess your options and move along. Or you suddenly realize that by some divine intervention that maybe your chasing something your not meant to do but instead should go for what your most passionate about. See, now I like that option. Only thing is that its f***ing risky. I could be here in a couple of years from now again saying - I told you so. Or I could get lost in my head hoping no one would find me, again too dramatic for actuality.
So here I am, unemployed, fat and unhealthy with just about an inch of sanity going for me. But yes, there are so many more people out there who've got bigger problems and varied issues. I feel your pain on some transient wave length. I do, I feel your pain. Because no matter how much water you drink or how scared you get, these hiccups just don't go away.
