Hiccups....

Sometimes you think you have it all planned. You make some choices and give it a shot and in the end you just hope it works out. I've noticed that this works for a lot of people I know. Except of course, one person, me. Now I'm not saying that everyone else has had it easy and I'm at the bottom of the pit, just that I'm at the bottom of the pit and some people, well, aren't.

I chose hiccup as the name of this post because apparently it reoccurs. I would know, when I was in the 6th grade I was once made to do a skit on a radio show of a kid who was going to set a record for having hiccups the longest, but only fell short of a second because of a bull that got loose and scared him stiff. Well when your scared stiff and have the hiccups, it tends to disappear (I'm actually quite glad I don't remember more). It wasn't fun, having to pretend doing the hiccups repetitively and having to hear this kid make bull sounds, but I got mini-celebrity status for being heard on the radio. Right so back to why I chose hiccup for this post. Hiccups are unpleasant and they don't stop. Which I thought made for an interesting metaphor. So if I haven't gotten to the point, my life has been a series of hiccups.

I had a plan. It was fairly simple and it sorta involved charting out the course of my life for the next two years. Something that I was really looking forward to. So I did my homework and gave myself a reasonable enough time frame. I had to do an exam, that for the last 4 years has been the bane of my existence and I once again stand defeated. I worked this time, I thought I made progress, but come exam day it was as though my picture perfect world for the next two years was turned inside out. Well actually, it kinda disappeared into a whiff of smoke. The dramatic apparition of that seems more in line with what I felt/feel.

I honestly can't quite comprehend it. I went into it with this whole feeling that my whole life rested on it and I don't know what to think, feel or believe anymore. We're obviously put in a world where we're all pitted against each other. Parents are always curious to know what other parents children are doing and well this honestly does not help my cause. It isn't the end of the world. I know that, I wake up every morning hoping it is. I can see the sea from my roof and I often wish a Tsunami the size of my view would come say hello. Actually I take that back, I think I'd prefer asteroid contact. Instant incineration to wallowed drowning seems more ratifying, who am I kidding, it seems less painful.

Now I'm told that there are a couple of ways to look at a situation like this. You assess your options and move along. Or you suddenly realize that by some divine intervention that maybe your chasing something your not meant to do but instead should go for what your most passionate about. See, now I like that option. Only thing is that its f***ing risky. I could be here in a couple of years from now again saying - I told you so. Or I could get lost in my head hoping no one would find me, again too dramatic for actuality.

So here I am, unemployed, fat and unhealthy with just about an inch of sanity going for me. But yes, there are so many more people out there who've got bigger problems and varied issues. I feel your pain on some transient wave length. I do, I feel your pain. Because no matter how much water you drink or how scared you get, these hiccups just don't go away.

Everybody's Fine

Well are they? I have seldom ever met a person I've asked who's said otherwise. It's always 'good, great, not too bad' and more often than not 'fine'. My post is actually titled after a movie I saw called Everybody's fine and it stars Robert De Niro, Sam Rockwell, Drew Barrymore and Kate Beckinsale. I wont blog about the movie, but I'd advise you watch it. It' just very real and something you can relate with.

All of us have different sets of relationships. With our parents, girlfriends, friends, colleagues etc. Lots of people have very open relationships with their parents, they're able to tell them everything that matters and they rarely ever hide anything important. I ofcourse do not have this sort of relationship. I've never had and I don't really think I ever will. Needless to say I've probably never tried. But being very open with my parents is not something I'm used to. I've always been scared of pre-conceived notions that they've had about things and at the moment I don't really discuss much with them. Somehow I have a feeling that this is probably something I'm going to regret. If I were in their place tomorrow, I'd hate to have that sorta relationship with my kids. But yeah, whenever my parents ask me how things are my answer is their fine.

I didn't realize that you could make a movie of it, but watching Robert De Niro's relationship with his kids in the movie was really something I could relate to. In 'Everybody's Fine', the kids all confide in the mother but they tell the father that everything's fine and in the end he has to find out the hard way. But that's just the funny thing about relationships isn't it? Sometimes it takes years to develop into something, sometimes a moment together can seal something solid and sometimes it can just tear everything apart. I guess who we are in a relationship will ultimately define it. I'm not really sure whether there's a guidebook to these things, but I always rely on one piece of advice from my mom and that's to be a good human being.

Closing in on 27, I think I've had my share of relationships with people. One's I cherish, cherished and wish I made something of. I've had to make an effort with some, while I could close my eyes on others. But inside me there's a feeling of something restless. Like I still have to meet the rest of the world and decide who's going to be a part of my life. Where there are going to be moments of happiness with people I've never met and moments of anguish with people I've always know. Either which way, even though it's the easiest thing to say, I hope me and mine will always be fine.

the building had no name, though his was scars. it stood tall and when he gazed up at it, it reached the sky. he thought it apt and started to make his way towards it. his manner was calm and he strolled toward it. as he made his way there, everything around him seemed to echo his blank of state of mind. the absence of anything or anyone made it easier. all scars could feel was a light wind grazing the ends of his skin and all he could hear was the systemic beating of his heart inside his chest. approaching its revolving door he thought it ironic that what seemed so hard as slamming a door like that could now be walked through with a certain sense of ease.

scars wasnt really sure how things got to this point. what led it it or what was the cause of it. it just seemed liked his sense of purpose was distorted. when that happened he lost interest to find his calling. experiences make a person. though his were varied he could never really connect them together like most people could. at the end of it all he wanted change more than change wanted him and when it eluded him pressing the elevator button to the 99th floor didn't seem to be a problem.

his hands in his pocket he thought about people in his life. though he knew his actions would have consequences, he comforted himself in the universal truth that no matter what, life would go on. nothing would stop. change it seemed proved its inevitability of being permanant. he only wished he could have explained it all. but theres never any point trying to explain something to someone who wouldn't understand. he figured that when they were faced with it, they would never come to terms with it, never find the right reasons. all that he knew was that there was no right or wrong. it all became relative. sometimes you dont' need a reason to do things, just a feeling. he found comfort in that.

when the elevator arrived he took a deep breath and stepped in. his heart started to beat faster with every approaching floor. his palms in his pocket were starting to get sweaty. but then he saw his reflection in the steel doors of the elevator and he started to calm down. nervousness came naturally to him. in times of action he needed it to perform. his reflection reminded him of who he was and when he glanced up the lights to the 99th floor lit up and the doors opened.

he looked down, cleared his mind and with the grip of adrenaline he started to run. gritting his teeth he launched himself. it amazed him how random his mind was, with a couple of seconds left he could only think about how he should have tied his shoe laces tighter. but that was his life, its significance ran parallel with the act of tying it. he knew it and so did the world who didn't know him.

there was once a guy called scars and that was his life.

16mm...

I watched 'Wake up Sid' last week and I came out feeling really good. Now isn't that what a Director or a Producer and the Actors are aiming to do whilst putting it all together? They want audiences to enjoy their couple of hours in the theatre. But ofcourse movies like Wake Up Sid can mean different things to different people. It's a very run of the mill story of a college boy who graduates but doesn't actually graduate mentally. Life's still fun and games. Until ofcourse his results come out and he fails.
Reality check.
He argues with the folks and leaves home. Ofcourse before this he's made friends with a girl who's just moved to Mumbai, helped her set up and now seeks refuge with her to calm the storm. Ofcourse he still hasn't grown up yet. His course of staying with her and realizing for once that he has to do everything on his own steers down a path to actually being able to enjoy the rewards of Independence where you can work hard and play hard. All the while getting closer to the girl and then falling in love with her. He gets a job makes up with the folks and then hooks up with the girl - happy ending.
But some of us have had some of these exact same feelings, where our future doesn't really seem to matter and all that does is living in the moment. Until ofcourse it catches up with you and you realize that if you don't wake up your gonna get left behind. His arguement with his Dad before leaving home reminded me of my relationship with my Dad, where we never see their point of view and all they really want for us is to see us succeed and make somethin of ourselves.
I had 2 points to this post.
One ofcourse was how cinema like this, the type we can relate with is sometimes what we just want to watch. Not your larger than life action heroes but just your normal regular college boy character that you can relate with. Bingo, someone you can relate with. Thats what the Director was trying to do and kudos to him. I know plenty of people like me who could relate with that character and ofcourse evoke certain emotions within us that sometime's we'd like to see on celluloid instead of our everyday lives.
The second being emotion. All our states of mind - happiness, sadness, anger, hate etc. that can be drawn out. I hope to one day make a movie where I can evoke certain emotions and create real characters that real people can relate with. I came out of Wake up Sid thinking that was such a sweet, simple and real story and it touched certain chords within me. I find myself listening the soundtrack of the movie feeling the emotions that the characters felt whilst it played in the movie.
But that's just the magic of cinema isn't it? Where your invited to be a part of someone else's world for a couple of hours. Someone you wish you were or could be. Someone you'd aspire to be or that someone who doesn't make the same mistakes. Point being movies for me have always been so real, they've always wielded that power over me that I use or incorporate into my day to day life, I just don't know what I'd do without it....
I guess there's no businesss like show business....

Reasons for 2012

Reason one: Mayan calendar

The first to predict 2012 as the end of the world were the Mayans, a bloodthirsty race that were good at two things -- building highly accurate astrological equipment out of stone and sacrificing virgins.

Thousands of years ago they managed to calculate the length of the lunar moon as 329.53020 days, only 34 seconds out. The Mayan calendar predicts that the earth will end on December 21, 2012. Given that they were pretty close to the mark with the lunar cycle, it's likely they've got the end of the world right as well.

Reason two: Sun storms

Solar experts from around the world monitoring the sun have made a startling discovery. Our sun is in a bit of strife. The energy output of the sun is, like most things in nature, cyclic and it's supposed to be in the middle of a period of relative stability. However, recent solar storms have been bombarding the earth with lot of radiation energy. It's been knocking out power grids and destroying satellites. This activity is predicted to get worse and calculations suggest it'll reach its deadly peak sometime in 2012.

Reason three: The atom smasher

Scientists in Europe have been building the world's largest particle accelerator. Basically, its a 27 km tunnel designed to smash atoms together to find out what makes the universe tick. However, the mega-gadget has caused serious concern, with some scientists suggesting that it's properly even a bad idea to turn it on in the first place. They're predicting all manner of deadly results, including mini black holes. So when this machine is fired up for its first serious experiment in 2012, the world could be crushed into a super-dense blob the size of a basketball.

Reason four: The Bible says it

If having scientists warning us about the end of the world isn't bad enough, religious folks are getting in on the act as well. Interpretations of the Christian Bible reveal that the date for Armageddon, the final battle between good an evil, has been set for 2012. The I Ching, also known as the Chinese Book of Changes, says the same thing, as do various sections of the Hindu teachings.

Reason five: Super volcano

Yellowstone National Park in United States is famous for its thermal springs and old faithful geyser. The reason for this is simple -- it's sitting on top of the world's biggest volcano and geological experts are beginning to get nervous sweats. The Yellowstone volcano has a pattern of erupting every 650,000 years or so, and we're many years overdue for an explosion that will fill the atmosphere with ash, blocking the sun and plunging the earth into a frozen winter that could last up to 15,000 years. The pressure under the Yellowstone is building steadily, and geologists have set 2012 as a likely date for the big bang.

Reason six: The physicists

This one's case of bog -- simple maths mathematics. Physicists at Berkely University have been crunching the numbers.
They've determined that the earth is well overdue for a major catastrophic event. Even worse, they're claiming that their calculations prove that we're all going to die, very soon. They are also saying that their prediction comes with a certainty of 99 per cent; and 2012 just happens to be the best guess as to when it occurs.

Reason seven: Earth's magnetic field

We all know the Earth is surrounded by a magnetic field that shields us from most of the sun's radiation. What you might not know is that the magnetic poles we call North and South have a nasty habit of swapping places every 750,000 years or so -- and right now we're about 30,000 years overdue. Scientists have noted that the poles are drifting apart roughly 20-30 kms each year, much faster than ever before, which points to a pole-shift being right around the corner. While the pole shift is under way, the magnetic field is disrupted and will eventually disappear, sometimes for up to 100 years. The result is enough UV outdoors to crisp your skin in seconds, killing everything it touches.

The end of the world.... or so they say.

I received an email on 2012 the other day. It's a movie directed by Roland Emmerich the same guy who's made 'Independence Day' & 'The Day After Tomorrow'. Both very larger than life films. Apparently according to selective groups of people in the world, we are destined(scientifically/non-scientifically) to see the end of our world in the year 2012. Which is yes, in our very own lifetime. The reasons that these people seem to have, have been posted in my previous post. I'm not a scientist or a priest or a philospher, I'm just a curious guy like most other people. I want to know whether this is a possibility. Or more so if there was evidence linked to it, would the people who knew about it actually disclose it. I think it's pretty unpredictable to say how us human beings would react if we knew the world was coming to an end and there wasn't a damn thing we could do about it. I guess all of us would like to do different things, or be with certain people. But as movies have shown us what seems most likely to occur is wide spread panic. Now if this we're the case, the people who have evidence of this or rather who were smart enough to gather evidence of this are probably smart enough not to disclose it for the above mentioned reasons. Or at least not yet. 2012 is still a couple of years off. So are there preparations being made to save our species that we do not know about?

Your probably thinking that I watch too much tv. And you know what... your probably right. But I like to imagine these hypothetical situations where tomorrow we wake up and realize that for every day till 2012 our days are numbered. It would probably seem like making an effort to do anything would be absolutely pointless. Most people would be encompassed by a 'whats the point?' attitude.

Now I'm still trying to figure what the point was about this post, I seem to have lost it somewhere. I guess there are so many things that happen in this world for which we have no answers. Scientists would probably say that there probably is an explanation. But I know for a fact that there are things that happen for which there are no answers. Now all of us fear what we do not understand. But what if the world was actually coming to an end? It's happened once before, I don't see any dino's outside my window. Why can't it happen again? I know.. so many what if's and so many why's. But what with global warming and ozone depletion it seems like we're doing a pretty good job of shaking the normal order/balance of things.

In that case wouldn't the natural order or balance be to press the reset button?

Somehow I'm reminded by the caption of my blog....

You hope, and you dream but you never believe that something is going to happen for you, not like it does in the movies and when it actually does you expect it to feel different more visceral, more real..... I was waiting for it to hit me.

Selling Points...

Well I wasn't actually quite sure what to name this post, but it just sorta struck me this morning about how we are able to convince people to buy things, or how we are able to convince people to vote for them or how we are able to convince them that doing this is the right thing and well... u get the point. I have no qualms in admitting that stating all the facts and benefits that could be accrued consist of a majority in leading to conviction but what I really wanted to touch on was the way it's done.

I heard Obama lobby today for the Chicago 2016 Olympics. Apparently he's the first sitting U.S president to do so. Definitely a smart move on the part of the Chicago delegation to use him as a strong hold considering his skills with oration are pretty much something else. Very few ppl are able to talk and make everyone listen. I may not have necessarily been convinced with his rhetoric's on why the Olympics should be held at Chicago, but i did necessarily listen to each an every word he said simply because he had the power to make me do so. Obviously thats not something that all of us are born with. Either you possess hints of it and you develop it or your just born natural.

Ari Gold played by Jeremy Piven is a fantastic display of what an agent could be like. His interpretation and portrayal of the character is outstanding with his unique characteristics standing out. I know that was a bit random, but when you watch entourage you'll notice that though you don't want to be like Ari, you realize there's no one else like him.

I was reminded of how maybe Marc Antony turned the tide after Caesar went down. A man like Hitler who had that kind of power to convince ppl of what we know he did...well...

Overall I guess no matter how great your gig is... the point is the way you deliver it and the way you get people to buy it that may just set you apart from the rest of them. So I think you shouldn't be discouraged if your not the most intelligent person on the planet coz there's still hope to set yourself apart.

So if you've got everything going for you but cant get it through, this is definitely some food for thought. It's a bit of a power actually, a very strong one at that and an art that you could be born with.

I hold the world, but as the world...
A stage, where every man must play a part..
and mine a furtive one.

Time Flies....

I've been hearing that a lot lately. Everyone's like where did the year go, wasn't it just a couple of months ago when we were celebrating new years?! Can you beleive how long we've know each other... can you believe we've together for so long now!? He was soo tiny and now he's sooo biggg and so on and so forth. The point is time is flying. Maybe our planet is spinning a little faster and we're revolving around the earth a lot swifter, I dont know. But I do know that I'm not 21 anymore and I'm 26. Although most of the time I still think and behave like a 21 year old who's just achieved adult status! I think what's hit me about being 26 is that they're a bunch of 20 and 21 year olds winning grandslams and turning into millionaires. While I'm still whiling my time away!

But hopefully some of us are later starters... and hopefully when I say us, I'm not alone in this! I guess if you really believe that something is going to happen for you, why shouldn't it? After all, all we have is our dreams and without that we're nothing. I just really hope that I end up where I want to. I'm doing something that I enjoy and most of all I make the people around me who matter the most, happy.

Time certainly flies...and you better put those wings on or you'll never catch up(hint to self).

Granted....

I was watching the VMA's (Video Music Awards) the other day where Madonna was on stage paying tribute to Michael Jackson. One of the things she said that I hold good in my life today is the fact that we never really realize or know the value of someone or something good until it's gone. MJ's a standing example of it. I mean we all knew what a great performer he was and what a revelation he was to the music industry but it definitely seems to me that his true worth was only realized after his death. The number of tributes on You Tube and the number of people talking you can't escape the fact that he was one of a kind, a prodigy and an entertainer that I'll never see anyone come close to in my lifetime. I'm confident enough to say never without a probably before it.

I just wanted to harp on about the fact that there are so many things in our lives that we take for granted. Our families our girlfriends our jobs, to a certain extent that only once we loose one of them do we realize that the shit's hit the fan and it's time to wake up and see the world a little differently and value these things a little more. I'm not proud to say that I take a lot of things for granted and now when I come to think of it I'm a little afraid to think about what my life would be like if I didn't have them. Aren't we all I guess? I'll probably pen this and try to be a little more wary but will sort of inevitably turn back to being most of my former self because human nature seems to want to play a part in it.

But I for one only hope that in spite of being aware of all this we reach a stage that when we loose something we only wish our levels of regret are low. And that the wish we hadn't's are outweighed by the I'm glads.

Life is short we all seem to say... but do we honestly know how short? You can live your whole life and probably realize at the end that you wish you'd slow'd it down a little or maybe the opposite? Who knows... to each their own I guess.

But a good mix is what I'd like, after all... the sweet don't taste so sweet without the bitter.

Full Circle

I've been sick for the last couple of days. Well I sorta had something coming on and then one night of debauchery made it even worse and now I'm suffering the after effects of it. It's not something I'm particularly proud off considering I fell sick less than a month ago. I started thinking that all those times I decided to smoke that extra joint or have that extra drink or just smoke cigarettes in a row coz I could is and probably has started to catch up with me. You never really think about the consequences of these things. I guess if you did everyone who smoked and drank in excess would know their limits. I for one have never really known my limits. I've always been one to stretch them pushing boundaries and being rebellious coz it seemed to give me a certain sense of freedom. But I guess where I was drastically wrong was that freedom comes with a certain sense of responsibility that I have failed to possess and I'm not sure whether I will simply because I have failed to acknowledge it all these years.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm quitting alcohol and drugs for the next couple of months with the hope of keeping a clean head and focus on my efforts to get into a respectable business school. Efforts which didn't count enough last year and will hopefully pave the way for a platform of mistakes to learn from. Most of the people I know in my age group are all already so dynamic and doing great things with their life. I can't really say I've done anything significant these past couple of years but maintain a sedentary job that I feel any graduate could have handled. Nevertheless an experience is what it was and there are definitely things that I have come to learn.

I stated in my last post that I would make a serious effort to blog more often and I hope that with these changes that I'm incorporating in my life I manage to do it.

Be the change you want to see.....

2007? 2009 & already 6 months gone?

Yikes! I remember making that last post. I was all in the mood about how I wanted to make 2007 an exciting an prosperous year. Low and behold, a year and a half later we're in 2009 and I'm back to square one. I hate that word.....square one! It happens to me ever too often and I find myself wondering whether I'll ever snap out of it. I wonder if I’ll ever realize who I am and what I'm supposed to be doing. That's a pretty universal question, if it we're that easy, we'd all be our own gods wouldn't we? But I guess in my case the focus is always lost along some point. The key obviously is to make sure that your able to sustain it and with a certain sense of killer instinct to see it all the way through.

It's funny how sometimes things never really pan out the way you want them too. In my case it's really funny, I'm almost 26 years old and nothings panned out the way I wanted too. But complaints aside, I've had some great times, extraordinary times actually and I've had some wonderful people become a part of my life. For that I feel grateful. I guess you got to balance the good with the bad. Yesterday evening, I had lost hope. I thought fuck... I don't want this life. I don't want this job, I don't want to live in this house. I want out... I want something different... I wanted a new life. But that's not just going to happen with a snap of your fingers. In fact, I realized that a long time ago, which brings me back to my earlier point. Once you wake up and realize your suppose to do something or you feel like your capable of doing it, how do you sustain that momentum and enthusiasm of being able to see it through.

This by far has been the biggest challenge in life for me till date. I suddenly wake up and I realize that I need to do something, I start out great but somewhere alongst the way I falter and I'm back to 'square one'. God I hate that word....

Change.... I've been attempting to do this for a while. I think I've been attempting to change my life so much that I never realized that it had to start from within. There were small little things that I had to do within, that would allow for a brighter landscape.

I've wanted to do and be so many things in my head... but I never realized that sometimes you have to do those small things first to get the ball rolling... I think success as everyone knows can only be enjoyed when you’re ultimately doing something that you enjoy doing. Success comes in many forms and as my dad rightly says "you reap what you sow" ... which is actually not the best thing to come out from his mouth, considering I'm his son! But yeah... I remember back in 2000, when I auditioned for this play called Hayavadhana, it was a Girish Karnad play and I was auditioning for one of the leads. I got the part and then practice started. Most people do not actually realize what goes behind the production of a play, I won't deviate too much from what I'm aiming to get at, but yes a lot goes into it and I since I enjoyed rehearsing for it so much, I only really realized how much effort had gone into it when you take a bow at the end of it. Your happy and you feel a certain sense of satisfaction coz you know you worked your ass off for it and you enjoyed it. I think that was one of the first few times I truly felt happy and I enjoyed the success of one of the best plays performed during theatre week that year.

So as I continue to type this out, I realize that there are certain things that I need to do to get my act together. I want to know that I at least tried so even if nothing's to come of it, I won't really be all that disappointed.

What did Gandhi say? Something about being able to change the world only if you affect change from within first? Well that's probably something that I'd like to attempt to do. Not change the world but affect some change from within. Just sorta thinking about my earlier para... I'd like to actually take part in theatre or get in front or behind a camera at some point. There's something about being out on a stage with a theatre full of people perching their eyes on you. It's that feeling of nervousness turned to confidence when you get out there in front of them which is electrifying....You forget about those hundreds of people looking at you and you realize that being a performer and performing walk side by side....

Enough of the nostalgia. Even though I know there's probably only one person who's going to read this on a regular basis ( start fish story) I will sincerely attempt putting my thoughts down on this blog knowing that reading it a couple of years from now will bring a simple and yet genuine smile to my face....

The saga continues.....

A lil bit of Retrospect....now that 2007 has gone by.

So this years been an interesting year. Suddenly when you come to the end of it your wondering how you got to the end so soon. When I think about things that happened exactly around this time last year, it still seems pretty fresh in my memory, so much so that I can say without using it as an excuse that this year went by pretty quick. I’ve heard this from other people as well and time does seem to be moving by exceptionally fast these days.

Anyways, hmmm… anyways I had a quiet new years last year wasn’t anything I’d deem as one of those new years to remember. But it brought in the year pretty much like it usually did and I found the days rolling by simply because there doesn’t seem anything uncommon to remember for the first half of the year. Except for the fact that I started realizing pretty late in the day that there needed things to be done in a time I don’t think I was ready enough to start preparing for. It’s getting quiet and I think I’m starting to like it. Needless to say it’s not like I really have very many options but maybe that’s what I guess I’m starting to like. Oh wait, there was a wedding I remember attending which was pretty eventful. . I do remember having a pretty good time considering there was plenty of alcohol involved and that seemed like a priority at that point moving into when I made a trip to Bombay. Bombay was a bit of a highlight and a bit of a defining moment as well which lasted a couple of months into coming back and then of course came England. So yeah a lot did happen pretty soon this year. I’m not getting into what were positive and negative defining moments with those trips but lets just say there was a bit of both.

All of which have left me in retrospect at this point because you really can’t change a lot of things that were said and done but have nevertheless happened and have a consequence about what probably lies ahead. But I’m hoping and beginning to think that starting to think about what could possibly lie ahead is something that I could and should probably start to take control of. Something I pretty much didn’t do through the year.

So I guess whoever says whatever happens, happens for the best is actually full of shit.

The General was down for 2 months and we had some pretty wild times. I think a lot of memories will definitely go down there but that’s what usually happens whenever we get together, so I can really say its unexpected. I ended up meeting 4 people from school for the first time in 6 years so I guess some numbers are improving. I actually ended up meeting an ex for an entire day in London considering the odds of us ever being in the same city always seems pretty much slim to none. But I guess meeting her brought back memories of feelings I went through when we split up which till date maintains an all time record high on the “How depressed I’ve ever gotten” chart. No but seriously, nobody likes to remember how much pain they’ve been in. It happens when you start to revolve your whole life around that person and you realize she's not the 'one'. What goes around most definitely comes around ;). I did however meet an another ex from school which was really pleasant. Which is ironic by the way considering I had put her in that very same situation at one point in time. Coincidence? I’ve stopped analyzing these things…

She did however take a photo of me and said it would make a pleasant memory, but I know that she knows the pleasant bit doesn’t go very far.

England was lovely. Mostly surreal for the most bit. I finally made it out to see my sister and nephew and visit of one my best friend’s ‘machismo’. We had a crazy ass time together and that was one of the highlights of the trip and my nephews first birthday. I made a pretty interesting impression on some of my colleagues in Sandwich. I think if I make an attempt to keep in touch with someone I could actually make some significant friends and people I could carry whilst I move along what’s to come ahead. I think a lot of what I do this year will tell me where I actually stand and evaluate what I actually want. It could actually be a lot more defining if the important bits I want to happen do take place. We’ll have to give that a shot this year.

Although I would like to think I’ve been underground this year I don’t really think I have been, probably not as much as I actually imagine myself to be this year.

But this years going to be different and I sure as hell will have something positive to write about once I get to the end of it….

Sometimes you've got to loose focus in order to gain it...

THE SAFETY HONOUR AND WELFARE OF YOUR COUNTRY COME FIRST ALWAYS AND EVERY TIME
THE HONOUR WELFARE AND COMFORT OF THE MEN YOU COMMAND COME NEXT
YOUR OWN EASE COMFORT AND SAFETY COME LAST ALWAYS AND EVERY TIME

You wanna join the Army?

You better get real...

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them. This is a pretty damn good example of where I come from.

We dont treat em very well...

You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?

All things
Rise in the light of the sun
Being
Meaning are many, reason's one
For years
Searching, but too close to see
We're here
And this is where, we're meant to be

And born under stars, in eternity
In all that has been, all that is, all to be
A feeling within, still to be fulfilled
Of something inside that can never be killed.

~Chasing Cars~

We'll do it all
every thing
on our own
we don't need
anything
or anyone

if i lay here,
if i just lay here,
would you lie with me,
and just forget the world

i don't quite know
how to say
how i feel

those three words
are said too much
they're not enough

if i lay here,
if i just lay here,
would you lie with me,
and just forget the world

forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden
thats bursting into life

let's waste time chasing cars
around our heads
i need your grace
to remind me
to find my own

if i lay here,
if i just lay here,
would you lie with me,
and just forget the world

forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden
thats bursting into life

all that i am
all that i ever was
its here in your perfect eyes
they're all i can see
i don't know where
confused about how as well
just know that these things
will never change for us at all

if i lay here,
if i just lay here,
would you lie with me,
and just forget the world
- Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars

How often do we come across situations or moments in our lives that can make time stop?
You can plan these moments out in your head but you can never plan or know how your gonna feel. I guess thats why time stops...

All of our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone that makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us...

If there was news, that the world wouldnt be ready to hear?

Who would be holding that back...?

Banksy

I was thinking to myself the other day that the whole system is essentially fundamentally flawed.

I've always debated who gets to decide whats right and whats wrong.

We need more people like Banksy. What better way to challenge the system than through creativity.





- It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.


-Leave the house before you find something worth staying in for.



-The time of getting fame for your name on its own is over. Artwork that is only about wanting to be famous will never make you famous. Any fame is a by-product of making something that means something. You don't go to a restaurant and order a meal because you want to have a shit.


For those of you who haven't heard of him, shame on you...