BRACE YOURSELF - PART IV

Friday, May 12th


I wake up around the usual time feeling as though my brains been replaced with a new one. It’s been thoroughly serviced and ready for the weekend. I firmly believe that the only cure/solution to the after effects of alcohol consumption is nothing but sleep. 8 hours of sleep feels like I won a million dollar lottery. On the contrary, I've never won the lottery so it’s more like sleeping for the first time in 3 days.

Work is a refreshing change. Feeling that I've been hydrated to normal levels, the day breezes by.

Btax has made reservations at the Train Spree for dinner. Again by dinner I mean drinks/appetizers. In all the time that we've known each other, there has seldom been a time when Btax and I have actually gone out to eat a proper meal. Pitching this to him is no point coz even if we decided to go to dinner, it would beer for appetizers, whiskey for the main course and tequila for dessert. Trust me, I do not want to get into what a 3-course meal would sound like.

I dial sailors number.

"Do we have a cake?" I ask Sailor hoping he's already thought of it.

"No, but I was thinking about the same thing. I'll call the hotel and notify them".

It's a good thing Sailor and I remember. Btax is celebrating his birthday here for the first time in 3 years. I know he'd be disappointed even though he's going to act embarrassed when they bring it out for him.

Our reservation is at half 8. The reason being so early is coz Btax's parents will join us for a brief while. Train Spree has a nice spot on the roof. Elegantly set, its ambience is welcoming. You get a nice view of central parts of the city, something you wouldn’t find in most other hotels. Plus we were fortunate with constant wind. You would expect a nice meal and some good drinks to hit the spot, but alas the food hits a negative low on my scale. I have eaten better food at a roadside dhaba on the outskirts of Delhi. Moreover they do not have an International Liquor License. Which means either you can decide to here pipers playing with a 100 pipers or get rough with Black Dog. Either of which none of us fancied. It was only the next day that we were trying to figure out why we went there in the first place.

Btax, Sailor and I reach first. We're shown to our table. Btax's parents join us shortly. Our neighboring table is a noisy one. A party of 10, they make a market place seem serene.

We order our drinks. Hoping that the alcohol will help drown out the ladies shrieking and the men prattling.

"You know what's going to happen after a few drinks right?" I ask Btax.

"What?" He replies a little tentatively.

"They're gonna wanna make us keep our mouths shut!" I say with furtive smile.

What we fail to understand is the difference between our decibel levels before and after the consumption of intoxicants such as alcohol. With every drink that goes down, you turn the volume up a notch.

Btax smiles back. We're thinking in unison.

Tsar joins us at about half nine.

"I'll have a sweet lime juice" he tells the waiter that approaches him. Almost immediately Btax's folks look at him as though his flying saucer just pulled in from Mars.

"You dont drink?" Btax's Dad poses the question quizzically.

"Its a long story Dad, maybe some other time." Btax interrupts before Tsar can explain.

A moment of silence ensues.

"So who did you vote for Uncle?" I ask Btax's Dad to get the incongruity outta the air.

Btax's Dad goes on to tell me that for the past 2 elections who ever he's voted for have lost. So we come to the conclusion that the next time around if he wants the fat lady to win he should vote for the old man. The elections have been the hot topic of conversation over the past week. Since it was so keenly contested, most people have their own individual points of view.

Tsar gets his juice and his Btax's folks still have that look of aberration. Maybe its coz Btax, Sailor n I have been ordering drinks every 20 minutes.

Parots, GT and his better half walk in at about half 10.

" You fu-ah, Btax why didn't you tell me it was your birthday" GT notices Btax's folks in time.

Btax like a lot of us doesn't like to announce his birthday to the whole world. If people know, good. If they don’t, they'll find out eventually. We don’t subscribe to the, ' Hey its my birthday, you forgot to wish me', scenario.

Everyone settles down and we order everyone drinks. GT looks at me and gives me that smile. Its the 'I know you've had 6 drinks smile'.

Btax hands me the menu and asks me to order appetizers. I give him the dumbfounded look. He can’t decide, so now it’s conveniently up to me to order. Which makes it especially difficult since no ones here to eat dinner. I glance up and down the menu 10 times. What we've already ordered is below average and I don’t want the blame for ordering bad food. Besides which I've already convinced them to get 2 orders of food from their low-level restaurant/coffee shop.
I suddenly have a vision that Katrina's hit and we're all stranded atop this hotel. I’m positive the relief supplies of food we're thrown will taste better.

No, not an option.

I place the order for appetizers and direct my attention back to the table. Btax's folks will wanna leave soon, which means we need to get the cake. I only hope the cakes good. It would take something drastic for a hotel like theirs to go wrong with the cake. They have a good spread of desserts at the coffee shop. I convince myself. I let the waiter know and then head to the restroom so I don’t give away the surprise. On relieving myself, I check myself out in the mirror. Sure enough there's a stranger staring back at me. I check to see if I have, 'I've had 6 drinks' written on my face and sure enough I do.

I head back to our table and in a minute the cake arrives. Btax is embarrassed. He's flushed and the whole restaurant's looking at him.

"Can we ask them to put the cake in a box, we'll go home and do this" Btax whispers to me on the side.

"Sorry mate, no chance" I reply sternly.

All of us get outta our seats and start singing. Sailor n me know its pay back time to the folks on the neighboring table, so we scream out at the top our lungs.

Formalities finished and cake being fed, we bid adieu to Btax's parents. The cake is good and I'm thanking god for small mercies. Almost instantaneously the table's gyrated. From being sophisticated and refined young men we've made ourselves comfortable to being in our backyards. The smokes are being pulled out a whole lot more frequently and the waiters are buzzing around with constant orders for repeats of drinks. When the parents are away, none of us behave.

We now owned the place.

"I've lost my capacity to drink" GT tells Sailor and me. "It's not like how it used to be".

I empathize with GT. On joining the workforce our version of balance has capsized. Working 5-6 days a week, we look forward to weekends to vent out and our concept of weekends is now tainted.

"That's what happens when you start working" I try to reassure him.

I'm loosing track of whiskies and I’m making his point more evident. GT smiles back and gives me a pat on the shoulder.

GT's better half leaves for Hans's place. A place we will grace very shortly.

Since most of us have lived/studied/worked/traveled abroad, our topic of conversation starts to delve into travel and places visited. GT starts to tell us about a trip he made to Northern Scotland. Where he vacationed along the Loch Ness. He tells us about a caravan he hired for a lil over 20 pounds a day which about 4 people can use.

"That's damn cheap" I do the exchange rate conversation in my head for each person.

"Yeah and you can do whatever you want out there, no restrictions".

"What about the Loch Ness monster, do you think it exists?" I ask him spontaneously.

"Of course it does. There are like pictures and sightings and the whole works"

"But its not been scientifically proven, its a myth" Tsar butts in.

"How do you explain the pictures and sightings then?" GT reemphasizes his stand.

"None of the evidence is conclusive and all the proof has proven to be elusive” I add trying to gain ground.

"But people have actually seen it!" GT replies.

Personally, I'd like to believe in myths. If there's a slightest hint of a vampire, I'm in. But what is perplexing to me is how old 'Nessie' actually is. People spotted it way back in the 6th century and there have been all sorts of reports on sightings all along the years. So how old is the damn thing then?? I explain my point to GT and he concurs.

"But that don’t mean it does or doesn’t exist!" I exult.

Its not that I do or don’t' believe. It just made for interesting conversation on Indian whiskey.

After a certain point in the night, I glance at my watch. It reads 11-00. I've lost track of the whiskies gone down and the 3 shots Btax ordered were stiff and unprofessionally made. Its nearing time to leave.

"I need to get home. I've got something to pick up." Btax sounds as though he's in a hurry.

"What do you need?" GT asks.

"I've got to pick up my bottle of JD"

"What??!! You've got one more of those?!" I ask envisioning my fatality.

As a kid, Mortal Kombat use to make for a famous 2-player game. My favorite being Sub zero, I use to practice real hard to get his fatality correct. Its his last finishing move where in he freezes his opponent and upper cuts him to leave him in pieces. Instead Btax being Scorpion has taken off his mask and revealed his skull face that breathes fire, burning me completely.

K.O

"Why do you want to go all the way home for that?" GT cant make sense outta the situation.

"Coz I want JD"

"But I've got a bottle of Chivas at home" GT tries to get a heads up.

But I know Btax. He's the same kid who wouldn’t have ice cream if he dint get his flavor.

I glance over at GT, "Its his birthday".

GT nods and submits to what seems to him an illogical conquest.

The plan is to now meet Parots n Btax at Hans's place. With the whiskey down and the time of the night we estimate about 20 mins until we all get there. Tsar stares on. I hate to contemplate the states of people like us through the eyes of a sober entity. Tsar probably thought we'd given into valet awaiting the arrival of our flying saucers.

I look at Sailor's drink. He's almost done.

"Another one?" I wink.

Sailor nods and I signal for the waiter.

"Another round of drinks please" the slurring hasn’t begun but I can tell its well on the way.

"I’m sorry sir, but we've closed the bar"

"What? You've got to be kiddin me?!"

"I’m sorry sir but we cant serve you anymore drinks because the bar is closed"

"Yeah we know it is, you just said that. But all we really need is one more drink" GT adds in.

"Call your manager!" Sailors become the captain.

"We're ready to leave, it's just one for the road" I try to sound convincing.

"I'll talk to the manager" he replies. I guess we no longer owned the place.

My nervous system starts to act up and I make my way to the rest room. On the way to the rest room is a plasma screen playing one of our music channels. I decide to stop on my way back. Conscious of employees staring at me, I use the eyes at the back of my head to keep a strong stand while I watch on. There’s a show on where people are doing exotic things to prove their love to one another. My first thoughts are, people will do anything to get on TV. One of the clips I couldn’t understand was where a girl who dint know how to swim was attempting to wade from one end of a pool to the other with floats attached to the sides of her arms. It’s the same orange floats we use to wear at 5 years old. The catch is, the pool is filled with bricks of ice. Attempting an artic swim when you don’t know how to swim for a supposed love of your life didn't make sense to me at that point in time. In fact it still doesn't. She jumps in and halfway through the water she realizes she's about to drown. She then makes her way to the side and people are attempting to pull her out. Only she doesn’t want to get out. She loves her man so much she's willing to go into hypothermia on t.v.

I crack up real hard. It's one of those reflexes, which you just can’t control. The waiters around me are looking at me like I'm in need of alcoholic's anonymous coz I’m past the delirious state. Only they don’t see how ridiculous it was when she completed the swim, her man pulls her out and they have Meatloaf's 'I would do anything for love' playing. I was going to be sick.

I make my way back trying to access the seriousness of the show. I decide to tell the guys about the show when I realize our glasses are still empty. Shit.

"The managers a stickler for rules" GT says greeting me back.

"Lets get the hell outta here" Tsar says. Not drinking the service has pissed him off.

"Did you tell them we're not coming back?" I ask GT hoping he's used that line for some extra leverage.

"Didn’t work" he replies spitefully.

They probably wouldn't need us back. We gave them their business for the month.

We leave nodding our heads instead of the traditional thank you and walk out swearing under our breaths.

On the portico, we decide that Sailor will ride with Tsar and I'll ride with GT. We leave Sailors car behind and decide to pick it up from the hotel on the way back. We let the valet guy know by showing him our tag and identifying our car. We look deep into his eyes and ask him to remember us. Incase of the unfortunate loss of tag which we hope wouldn’t happen but in any case I’m sure he was gonna remember the Martians.

We stop over on the way to Hans's to pick up some smokes and coke for the JD. I grab a red bull hoping I have a revitalization of body and mind. Only none of that happens and I can now hear my heart beating outside of my chest.

On the way to Hans's I realize its a couple of minutes past 12. I dial Btax's number.

"Happy Birthday, you son of a b%&#, so much for being in the same city!"

I wish him and so does GT and soon after we pull in to Hans's. While we're about to enter Hans's, Parot's car pulls up and Btax jumps out. I walk over give him a hug and wish him again. With sufficient ammunition we're about to enter the battlefield. I carry the JD, Sailor carries the coke and Btax wanted a minute coz he was on the phone. We announce our arrival by setting Mr. Jack on the table and shortly after everyone starts to sing for Btax.

I scan the place like I would in CSI. Glasses and Ice that’s all we need. I fix drinks for us and move over to the side to talk to Sailor. I start to explain the lethality involved with Mr. Jack now. Its sweet, distinct and suddenly tastes a whole lot better than whiskey would with soda.

"We've left the port and we've started sailing. I don’t think we're docking anytime soon" Sailors analogies are making more sense to me than A for Apples and B for Balls. I make my way out to the garden to greet some fellow acquaintances and in moments I find myself part of a circle. A circle in which, I must now employ my smoking ethics.

After spinning a round, I glance over my left shoulder. I swear I saw a white rabbit. Or did I? No, I don’t think I’m following this one this time. I look at my glass and my drinks suddenly disappeared. I make my way back to fix a drink trying to seem innocuous. I get a glimpse of Sailor and he smiles at me.

Yeah, we're sailing.

I head to the kitchen to get some ice. Upon entering I see Tsars and Nah talking. I wonder whether to stick around.


"Do you prefer going out here or in another city" looks like I’ll be sticking around.

"Is that a trick question?"

"Just answer the question"

"Well that depends"

Tsar says never mind coz he already knows my answer.

When I was traveling to Europe a couple of summers ago, I had to stop in and outta BBay. A second year of mine greeted me at the airport with half a bottle of whiskey and some accessories. After chilling in the suburbs for a while, I asked him our plan of action. He said we were headed to his friends place coz it was his birthday. I was a little apprehensive considering I’m not so great with meeting new people. " Just chill" was all he said. On reaching there I was welcomed by the cutest girl ever who said " Hi I'm Simin, can I get you something to drink?" Which was a first for me actually coz I’ve never felt at home in a place I couldn’t call home. Everyone was real friendly and I had an awesome night. Which has led me to believe that it’s not the place, but the people that make the place.

I decide to avoid the speech and head outta the kitchen when Btax stops me in my tracks.

"I wanna leave soon" he sounds a little flustered, so I don’t ask him any questions. I tell him we will and fix myself a drink.

I find Parots n let him know we're gonna be leaving soon. He says no problem. Now I have to try and get our platoon together coz everyone seems to be fighting different battles. I tell the people I need to and head back to the kitchen for some more ice. This time I encounter GT. He looks like he has, 'I've had 10 drinks', written on his face. We share a laugh and I open the deep freeze. Staring back at me is a cold bottle of beer. When I say cold, I mean sub-zero cold, only its not frozen. I've found my 'one' for the road.

I pop the beer and start to say my Good Bye's and Thank you's. Hans is an impeccable host considering no one thinks twice about anything they wanna do in his pad. The beer starts to bring me back to life. We head back to the hotel coz Sailors car is impounded out there. On the way we decide that I drive Sailor's car, Btax rides with Tsar and Parots will join us at Btax's place. Only I hadn’t anticipated Btax's frame of mind. He some how manages to get a hold of the car tag.

When we reach the hotel, the valet is greeting the Martians with a big smile. Btax is arguing with Sailor and me coz he wants to drive. What's about to happen, I would rather forget. We find ourselves chasing Btax all around the hotel coz he refuses to give us the tag.

"Don’t you recognize me?" I ask the valet out of breath.

"Sorry sir, no tag, no car" So much for staring deep into his eyes.

We settle with Sailor driving, Btax with him and I'm riding with Tsars. I cross my fingers till we get there. Parots joins us at Btax's 10 minutes after we do. With the music blazing, we start to unwind. After a couple of drinks we reach variable states of mind. Being cooped up I start to feel uncomfortable and contemplate our options.

"How’d ya like to go for a swim?" a light bulb flashes over my head.

"What?" says everyone in chorus.

”Lets head to the beach pad!" I start to envision the cool water soak up my inebriated state.

In the next 15 mins we change up, get all we need and find ourselves on our coastal road. Once we reach there it takes a while to get in coz Vam the caretaker doesnt usually expect anyone at half 3 in the morning.

Next thing I know, I’m air borne for a fraction of a second with split-second thoughts in my head before the water swallows me. With just the sound of bubbles of air leaving my mouth, I wade a couple of feet underwater before I emerge.

I was born again.

I look at Vam and then I look at Mr. Jack. They both smile back and Vam fixes me a drink. Soon after everyone jumps in and like a bunch of loaded up ducks we start to make a lotta noise. From racing laps to staying underwater, we exhaust every man made pool game.

"Chicken fight time" I announce tryin to be a lil more constructive than feelin sober underwater.
Parots is on my shoulders and Btax is on Tsars. They loose. Next Sailor goes up on Tsars shoulders and they loose as well. We were undefeated, only I pulled something in my back. I crawl out and sit myself in the Jacuzzi. With a drink in hand I start to see twilight fading. I start to hear some birds chirping. I light up. Dawn was coming.

There's something eerie about seeing the transition of dusk to dawn. My breathing starts to slow down and the effects of the night are bearing down to take its toll on me. I’m joined by Sailor.

"We've not docked yet" Sailor reminds me. I spin him my cigarette and look at the JD bottle next to me. There were probably 3 drinks left. My stomach starts to growl and I can feel the hunger starting to act up. We clean out the remnants of our 1.75 liter bottle of JD and head to the Sheraton for Breakfast.

"Where's a camcorder when you need one?" I ask Btax as we enter the hotel. Dressed in shorts and bathroom slippers, we were a sight for sore eyes. We're shown into the smoking section and ask for our preference for juice like 'normal' people would. I head out to the buffet and load my plate up with cold cuts bacon n sausages. I let the waiter know about the eggs to order and request for the waffles to be sent soon. Considering none of us ever have time to eat in the morning, we give breakfast being the most important meal of the day a whole new meaning.

"That was pretty damn good!" I slink lower into my seat and light up. The guys agree with me and Sailor and Btax light up as well. After dabbling over certain aspects of the night, we pay the cheque and leave. Tsars drops Sailor and me in Btax’s place and he heads home. Sailor n I do the Carl Lewis sprint to Btax's room hoping to avoid obstacles such as engaging in conversation with conventional people.

Btax enters the room with a bottle of beer.

No fucking way.

We split the beer and he plays my favorite song.

"Cheers" and the three of us start to do our own little jig. Which can really actually be compared to the Kwabena African Tribal dance.

In moments we're sprawled on the bed.

"Did you have a good birthday" I ask as I get dormant.

"You bet, do you know how I'm gonna remember this birthday?"

"How?"

"I'll remember it every time I open a bottle of JD"

"Amen"...