*Superstitions*

Superstition is a set of behaviors that are related to magical thinking, whereby the practitioner believes that the future, or the outcome of certain events, can be influenced by certain specified behaviors.

I opened my dashboard only to see that the number of posts I had up on this blog were 13. Like most people I consider 13 a very unlucky number. I'm not quite sure why though. When I was in school playing cricket Id make sure Id get of 13 quickly, coz of the fear of getting out. Watching the opposition play with someone at 13, I would hope it proved unlucky for them. Of course there are so many more instances where I've seen the number 13 and considered it unlucky. Even though there's a history behind the number being unlucky I draw the difference at a point where even though I don't know why its unlucky, I just simply feel it is.
The fear of the number 13 is called triskaidekaphobia. Damn, I dint even know a word like that existed. Looking at this paragraph on a whole now and mentioning that number more than once is actually inching me closer to the fear of that word, which is excruciating to pronounce.

How much can we actually rely on these superstitions? More so, why do we rely on them and believe in them so much? How significant are they really? I've never asked myself these questions before. Its like the greater forces I believe in that exist. Forces, which cannot be scientifically proved. Something we've never seen touched or heard before, but believe or have faith in.

One of my closest friends the General and I, strongly believe in black cats crossing our path. In our history together and the future that's ahead we never have and never will cross the path of a black cat. When its happened to us before we've just simply waited for someone else to cross that path before us. Yes its mean to pass our bad luck on to someone else. But its the only way we'd get peace of mind. On other occasions in the middle of the night when there's only us on the road, we've taken drastic steps to turn the car around and head another way. Of course with the General around its always tough to handle these sorta situations especially since he's extra paranoid about any colored cat that crosses the road. Something I'll never understand. Black cats, yes. But any colored cat and his incomprehensible ideology, no.

There are other superstitions that give me second thoughts.
Sneezing whilst just before leaving . If I sneeze immediately after that its okay. Otherwise I would like to wait a couple of minutes.
Idealistically I wouldnt like to open an umbrella indoors.
How a crow's faeces falling on me can be a good sign, I simply do not get. It makes me feel icky rather than lucky.
I am obsessed with the number 9.

But most of all...
I Touch Wood for everything. If I were to count the number of times I touch wood everyday and for what not, well I'd simply loose count. No wood around and Im tapping my head away.
Im pretty sure if the head option was'nt there id be carrying a piece of wood around with me. Btax and the General do as well, but I guess they're not as drastic as I am.
So I guess I do believe that by touching wood, the future or the outcome of certain events can most definitely be influenced.

I do not fully understand why people believe in superstitions. Maybe its a comfort you get out of knowing thats theres a greater good out there looking out for you. Its the comfort we get out of knowing that there is something greater than us that helps determine the consequences we're faced with or the good luck that'll befall us.

Whatever it is, I dont think I'll ever know and to me it'll always be one of life's greatest mysteries.

Trying to Stay Alive....

I was up till pretty late last night... started drinking and I guess we all know whats happens then.
The problem about stayin up late and drinking is nothing, but worrying about work the next day. Which i had a weird sort of feeling that I would be able to handle. So I party hard and drink hard.. wake up knowing that I am going to get to work on time...... thank god for that..... !
I brush my teeth for 15 mins ... ( I hate bad breath esp after drinking)...

I get to work on time...knowing that I am not super hung over...not hung over at all.. well maybe just a lil wired.....completely capable of working like how I do on any normal day.
and well what do u know... the first question my boss asks me is whether I was drunk last night? It turns out I reek a half a mile away.
I guess Im going to get a very good recommendation from him now! I wish I had popped in that gum Im chewing right now...... damn.....
everything happens for a reason??? what damn reason is this...

Hopefully the fact that tom Im not supposed to have a boss and be my own someday.

Choice...

More than often I always ask myself what if I did something differently back then. Chose something else, took some other path... how different would things be today.
Would I still be asking myself the same questions...
I believe I have no regrets. At the same time there are a lot of things I wish I did differently.

For me it's always been choice. Everything boils down to choice. We are defined by the choices we make. We are where we are because of the choices we've made. So if I chose to do something else, how different would it be today?

As far as the whole concept of destiny is concerned, I've never been quite sure what to believe.
Everything happens for a reason. I'm a strong supporter of that. Always have been, always will. This totally contradicts what I've said above in relation to choice.
If some one were to ask me why I believed everything happens for a reason, at this point I would have no answer. I tried to ask myself today the same question, and I told myself that reasons I probably cant understand now, I will later. I have had instances in my life where I felt that it's happened for a reason. Ive met people in my life which I beleive has happened for a reason. But there are a whole lot of other things for which I cannot determine reasons and theres probably a reason why I cant determine that now.

All this sounds so vague and strange but i guess id primarily attribute it to the fact that, I like every other person have made choices. I have made choices that have brought me up to where I am right now. I will continue to make choices that will lead me to god knows where.

The reason being we can never see past the choices we don't understand.

A Nightmare Inside a Dream...

Even though I've been dreaming a lot this year, I never had a nightmare until last night.
I have some really weird and strange dreams but nothing that woke me up scared in a sweat and in the shits. As a kid I remember watching Stephen Kings IT... that Clown scared the hell outta me and I dint sleep to well post that movie. Under 10, when I watched Masters Of the Universe Skeletor made for a frightful villain. I've dreamt about snakes, but that's a different story.
Its been a while since I had my last nightmare and I cant remember seeing anything scary on tv or witnessing or reading about anything remotely scary in the recent past.

Of course now I cant remember too much of it. But it involved this girl i know and she was definitely not herself. I don't really know her all that well and we've met like a couple of times but we're in touch once in a while and she has the sweetest disposition.
I cant remember how she came to be that way or what the hell entered her but I sure as hell remember we were chilling and the next thing I know, I was trying to stay alive.

It definitely felt like one of those horror movies like Nightmare on Elm street where I could have had Freddy Kruger on my ass. Or like that Hindi movie Bhoot.

The whole thing was soo real. I actually woke up in a bit of a sweat and I could hear my heart beating fast and loud.

The empty department store in the middle of the night I was escaping from, nothing Id ever seen in my life but recreated into something that could definitely exist somewhere. Im running as hard as I can inbetween the counters pulling everything down I see to slow her down.
Her face is no more that sweet child like appearance I know. In fact I dont even think its her anymore. Im shouting her name out aloud and I'm running hard..
My hands quiver whilst putting this down.
The next thing I know Im in an apartment running strait for the first door I see and of course she's after me with the sharpest knife I'd ever seen. I know its menacing coz its long its big and its freakin gleaming.
I manage to get behind the door and with all the adrenalin I have left I try to hold it back. Theres some serious pounding of the knife on the door happening and she's hysterically screaming and banging on the door real hard. After all that loud hysterical screaming of hers and the pounding of the knife and the banging, it stops.
Silence.... not a sound.

I wait a while and then I wait some more. Nothing.

Gathering all the guts I have left, I open the door. The apartments empty no one's inside. At this stage im a lil more freaked than I was behind the door. I make my way down stairs.
Its broad day light. Kids are playing around like its a holiday.
I start to search for her frantically down the street and everywhere around, there's just no sight of her.

Finally I call her. Its her, she's normal again and heading to a friends place which I know is far out. She talks to me like she knows nothing n everythings normal.

I wake up.

What the fuck was that all about?

The Lord of......?

Most people already know what they want to do with their lives. At least most people I know. They go abroad get an education, come back and then work with the family business. Or some people do the same without a family business; instead they get a job abroad and pretty much start working their way up. Being fully content with what they're doing they have some idea where their heading lest they know where they're at and its really not that bad or rather anythin to complain about.

My breed of people adheres to those who dont have a freakin clue of what they want to do with their lives. Yes I do have a long term plan but its really quite sketchy at this point considering all the steps that lead up to it are getting steeper... So when somebody asks me what Im doing at this point, I have a clear-cut answer which satisfies some steps in order to reach a higher plain. Yes, the higher plain.
Seeing as its really easy to talk about , getting there will most definitely prove to be a problem. Why? I forgot to mention that my breed of people, well, we like to take our lives a quarter of a mile at a time...... so down the '8 mile' road I dont know whats waiting....

I remember every significant movie I saw left a last lasting impression on me. Ever since a kid id leave a movie theatre or if im sittin at home id always wonder what it would be like to lead that life. Or if I read a book same thing... so yeah I wouldnt mind being Michael J. Fox for a day just to get a glimpse of what my future's going to be like........

dreams is really what they are at the end of the day... But then if you dont have dreams... you dont have anything...

The last movie I saw?

The Lord of War...
its got nick cage...and its based on some true incidents... The guy is basically an arms dealer..... who starts out with zilch....
Did you know?
There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. So I guess the only question is: How do we arm the other 11? Im not going to answer that coz I jus may be on the 6'o'clock news for the wrong reasons..

another interesting piece of information I picked up from the movie...
Of all the weapons in the vast soviet arsenal, nothing was more profitable than Avtomat Kalashnikova model of 1947. More commonly known as the AK-47, or Kalashnikov. It's the worlds most popular assault rifle. A weapon all fighters love. An elegantly simple 9 pound amalgamation of forged steel and plywood. It doesn't break, jam, or overheat. It'll shoot whether it's covered in mud or filled with sand. It's so easy, even a child can use it; and they do. The Soviets put the gun on a coin. Mozambique put it on their flag. Since the end of the Cold War, the Kalashnikov has become the Russian people's greatest export. After that comes vodka, caviar, suicidal novelists. One thing's for sure, no one's lining up to buy their cars......

and no... its not a career option for me... its a shout out to check the movie out..

So yeah whatever you choose to get into, you have to know your shit....and if your good at it you'll sure as hell enjoy doing it..... even if that means dealing in arms or sittin on a secluded beach being a part of community isolated from the rest of the world.. and the only thing ure good at is....well, rolling joints.
The point is our eternal search ends at finding something we're so good at doing we'd never think of doing anythin else simply because you have a sense of feeling that you were born to do it (yes these people do exist). That I believe will definitely lead to the happiness we want, where in lies our peace of mind.

As of now Im turning out to be the Lord of Dreams.....with the possibilities being endless.... and one dream building on another....... I dont know where Im heading always wondering whats waiting down that road.......

So I wonder if the future holds me to be The Lord of................?

The World is but a Stage....

My old theatre group performs this weekend... I think it'll be interesting to watch..

Not as a part of the audience watching a piece of entertainment...but i guess more in terms of knowing fully well what goes behind attempting to put up a successful production.

I miss doing theatre. It was really one the things i truly enjoyed doing and I dont believe ive found anything equivalent that gives you that sort of satisfaction.

I guess one of the things i fancied most about theatre were the energy levels that were extracted. Something I'd probably never experience working a 9-5 job.

Being a part of a theatre group its not always about the actors... you come to see that there are so many people who sweat and toil over a period of time so that a random bunch of people are entertained for over an hour...
Thats when I realized that if your gonna break your back over something, you might as well enjoy doing it. I met so many people, made a lot of friends and had the greatest of times getting together with every one who was a part of the group. Im pretty sure we're gonna remember some of the stuff we did for a very long period of time. Coz a lot of us ended up entertaining a lot of people off stage rather than on.

I thought id put up this post after the weekend and be my own little critic. But I dont think I'd do that coz it would only reinforce how much I really want to act. Instead I think its better to put this up before, set myself up for a good weekend and come away smiling that I was part of it at some point in time...

I may not be a part of theatre anymore but.....

I hold the world but as the world,
A stage where every man must play a part,
And mine a sad one....